non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was CRYING into my vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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