Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
