Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
