I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
