This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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