I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
