I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
