I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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