VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
