when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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