did you get engaged???
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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