i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
