Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
