We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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