It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
