she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
