A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
