Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
