if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
