you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
