if i can run in heels then i can drive
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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