i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
