He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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