i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
whose parrot is this?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
