I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
