Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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