So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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