Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
