I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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