David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
