Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
