someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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