The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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