I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??