He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
