it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....