I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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