We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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