Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize