Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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