Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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