he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
