What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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