I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
