True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
