You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
