That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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