I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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