When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize