I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
