I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
