let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
