We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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