This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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