So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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