you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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