Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
