grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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