I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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