1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He passed out mid-signature
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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