You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
