i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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