Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
