when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am available for nakedness
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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