I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
