So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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