The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
